Being Good is a Detriment to Your Health
I told myself a lie one day. “You’re not good enough”. You have to work to stay on top of your game, to try to the be the best and if you take a day off, you fall behind, because It’s always somebody out there better than you are. This is the athlete mentality, and it has plagued me my entire life and I’m quitting this shit.
I am an addict. It’s not severe (yet), but I‘ve spent the last ten years self-medicating, exploring, and just pushing everything to my limits. My desire and will to live is at it’s lowest, because I know the truth: Life is meaningless. I didn’t type this to scare anybody and please don’t concern yourself with this as a threat. I’m pointing out the fact that none of this matters, so my need to feel insecure about my desires and fear of failure can all be put aside so I can do one thing, be fucking good.
My most severe addiction of all, is my addiction to being fucking good. I cannot be ass at what I do. I obsess over it. I am good at what I do, but I’m also bad at what I do. I was unorganized, lethargic, and I’m broke as fuck. I take on projects that aren’t worth my time and I say yes to everything. Being good is about understanding the fault in all of that.
I’m willing to fall flat on my face, out of the sake of boredom, or some desire to be loved, or whatever this addiction is feeding off. I told myself, “Give it 6 months and if you fail, go home and recalculate”. That was two years ago. I don’t know how I keep making it, but shit keeps happening to me through random probabilities this universe has created. That’s called luck, which is cool and all, but Profile also taught me that I need some foundation.
I’m coming to terms with a lot of things, and one thing is that I definitively know what I want, and will stop at nothing to get it. Which gives me meaning. I never really wanted to start a family, I think it’s one of those things we’re told we are supposed to do, but it feels like something that can give me meaning. I want to build a foundation, a career and a stable family, but I’m stubborn, and I’m only going to do it my way.
I'm Fucking Good at Everything
I finished my thesis film Profile – A Film by DeQwan Young and it gave me respect for myself. I’m fucking good; at everything. If I’m not good at it, give me 6 months and I can get good at it. Lyneil, was talking about Ronda Rousey and her “skill acquisition”, how she can learn and understand how things work. I think it’s a gift all high-functioning athletes have, and guess the fuck what buddy, I’m in that same class.
Profile taught me, that I can’t be stopped. I tell people all the time, “If I say I’m going to do something, It’s done.” I can do everything at a high level. professional level, award winning level, and I truly believe that. It may not happen the first go round, but the biggest improvement has to be from one play to the next. Greg Huster taught me that.
I answered the question I was seeking in creating that film. The probability of me making to where I am now, from where I’ve been, makes me believe I’m special. Which is how everyone should feel about themselves. I made it, no matter what lies I tell myself to keep going. I get caught up in the notion that “This isn’t making me rich” as if that’s the benchmark of success. I’ve changed people’s lives and that’s the thing I value the most. Which is exactly why I’m good now.
Q3 Media
Last year I created this plan. I turned my company into a film, tv and sports company, Q3 Media (Qubed Media). I’d build three channels on YouTube along with Qwality Sports and with the intention of creating a studio. I tend to overestimate my abilities a lot and I put timestamps on everything. Profile taught me that my plan isn’t linear.
I plan to create. The process of making art is time consuming. I need time to flesh things out and improve upon them, which was the process I experienced last year. I came out with this energy of world domination, and got bit in the ass by my own plans. So I’m taking timestamps off things.
I think everything is a home run, and it’s going to be what propels me to the next level. Which is foolish to think of, seeing as how I have not hit a home run in awhile. One thing I realized over the past few years is, these niggas is not about to give me no money dog lol. There won’t be a magic fairy that shows up with a bag of money with a dollar sign on it, so I have to work. I have to create my own money. Every digital file I throw online has the possibility to keep me going.
I need views. Views leads to money, money leads to freedom. That’s the equation. I need more money to do the things, I want to do, like feed myself Crab Rangoon, things of that nature. So I have to create, and because I’m so good, it’s going to work. The work I create has made everybody else money, but me, and Profile taught me FUCK THAT. I’m responsible for a ton of great media, online and on television, and those are facts. I can do everything at a high level, and I can acquire skills, BIG FACTS MAX KELLERMAN. I’m confident in my abilities, and I know that no matter what obstacle, there’s always another page to turn.
Creativity is flowing through me, so I figured I would state my intentions. I’m going to try to win an Oscar. Not on no, “I always dreamed about it” shit, but because I just think I’m good enough to win an Oscar. “I’m not talented, I’m obsessed”, Wesley Richards said that in an interview, and it encapsulates everything about who I am.
I tell underdog stories, because that’s what I know. The feelings, the emotions, I know the underdog story very well. I’m learning how to craft these stories into what I believe will be several Oscar worthy films, a long, stable career, or at least a BET Award, because I’m good and I recognize it. Most people around me don’t or they would have paid me to do it for them already. Profile taught me, that nobody cares about me, more than me, and to quote TO, “I love me, some me.”
So, I’m going for the shit. I’m going to try and apply. I’m going to attempt, I’m going to make a leap and do everything I’ve been telling you I’m going to do for the last ten years. To generate enough revenue to make a film, I need 40,250,000 views on my channel to be able to make a bigger budget film.
The goal is to self-fund. I have multiple films planned, and I’ve created several short form documentaries with little-to-no budget, and I realize, that’s the only way to accomplish my goal; make movies. Up first: The Beast: The Final Fight
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