This my last year in poverty. I’ve been trying to will myself out of this shit for over three decades and I finally believe, THIS IS MY LAST YEAR IN POVERTY. I’ve been hard at work, doing exactly what I said I would (cooking). I keep going through everything I’ve written over the last decade and I’ve come to the conclusion that, everything is in order.
Manifestation without action will get you nowhere.
Sundance is crazy, but still, we move (No way I really sound like that for real).
Belief has been a big part of this journey for me. As I’ve started to learn more about myself, I started to understand, “If I see something I can do it”, in the most literal way. Television is my preferred choice of escapism. Always has been. I think I can create an independent film studio, with television and sports broadcasting networks.
That’s my career goal.
I finished a project
I talk abandonment a lot and I recognize the things that it comes with. I abandon a lot of my projects and ideas, some out of necessity, some aren’t fully developed, and some I can’t wrap my head around yet (Whoever I stole that from cooked with that one). Last year, I felt abandoned, so I buried myself in boredom and found a project that I abandoned. The Beast: The Final Fight has been a vehicle that has lead me to the greatest and worst year of my life.
This is the most lonely I’ve ever felt…
Which begs the question I constantly ask myself: Is it me or is it everybody else? I’m selective with who I want to be around now. I walk away from things that don’t suit me, and I go after what I want. Rejection used to be my biggest fear, because I had been rejected for so long. Last year, was the first time I felt rejected in a long time, so I locked the fuck in and buried myself into the project I abandoned. A lot of the times I recognize when I’m the problem, and it’s definitely not me.
I was watching an episode of American Dad, and they introduced me to the “Shine Theory”
https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=890959061311334
“True confidence is infectious”. I try to be that, but it has to be a concerted effort. Last year I decided to stop wasting my time doing things I didn’t want to do, and being around energy that didn’t allow me to shine. I set out on a path to create my future. In December, I uploaded a 45 minute short film to YouTube and it’s given me a standing ovation, a few newspaper articles and an opportunity to do what I set out to do, which is shine baby!
HERE’S QWANNY
Which Begs the Question?
Is it me or is it everybody else? I don’t want or feel the need to do things in spite of anymore. There’s a lot of anger in that energy. I’m trying to exorcise those feelings and it’s a difficult task, because I know how much power you can harness from the doubt of others. I started to approach things from a place of clarity. The things that I want to do, are meant to be shown, not explained. I don’t connect with a lot of people, and I cherish the friendships I do have. Those are the ones I tend to cultivate. For some reason, I want everybody to love me, which takes too much shapeshifting, you have to be a person you might not be.
Everyday I have to be creative and come up with something new for somebody with less talent and more money to steal. Or another day where my efforts go unnoticed, work underappreciated, blah blah blah. I’m finally an artist. I’m not an influencer, but I’m influential. My work is recognizable. I’m known worldwide (nigga I was in Hong Kong). I’ve done things I could’ve only dreamed of and it’s because I always said ‘yes’ to everything. My homie George made a joke saying “Qwan always says yes“, and I realized, I don’t say yes to myself.
So, last year I started saying ‘no’ to everything else, and it paid off. Every year I say to myself, “This is my last year in poverty”, but manifestation without action will get you nowhere. I say I want Sundance, but I know I’m a long ways away. I finished a project and it’s given me more and more confidence to do what I was born to do, and that’s shine. I have the opportunity to do something I’ve been working towards and I need you to lock in with me. Like my videos, dap me up in public, just let me know you see me shining, so I can let you know I see you shining, so we can shine together. I have to keep shining.
I’m just really bored honestly and I think it’d be a really cool underdog story for somebody to tell in the future.
Is it me or is it you?
I love it if you hate it. – DQ