Four-wall / To show your film in a theater and absolutely cook.
‘On January 24th, 2025, we sold out our second show in Butler. I was nervous as hell boy. This process took around 8 years to complete and it all culminated in two sold-out shows in Brian’s hometown. I couldn’t shake this feeling that this time, people would hate the film, they would jeer it, or the response would be less than flattering. I like to be ‘Baptized by fire’. I like to be in the shit and figuring it out under the most extreme circumstances. I’m unflabble, I have a very high fight or flight response, but when they hit play on that film, my stomach was in my ass. This is all unfamiliar territory for me, and my emotions were completely wrapped up in the outcome.
There’s a lot of deconstructing in what I did over this past 11 years, but I think it’s important to know, I did the best I could. I made a really good film. I can accept it in hindsight, but in the moment, I couldn’t wrap my brain around just how far I had come in this process. Brian’s story is, “A layup” as I’ve been calling it, but if there’s anybody out there who can attest to my basketball abilities (or lack thereof), I miss layups all the time.
You don’t need a lot to succeed in this world, if you do two things: Temper your expectations of what you think success is, and keep going. You can only get better by doing, and I did the shit. This night was extremely special for me, because I had to accept the outcome (for both shows). The feedback from the first show was higher, had much better praise, and ended in a standing ovation. The second show had the same reactions and responses, but just a little less energy (Due in large part to the needle drops used in the first film compared to the stock music used in the second screening). That’s something that’s completely out of my control. The story was the same and the ending still needed to be fleshed out, but everything landed and the screening went off without a hitch.
I’m especially grateful for the people that showed up for me. Thanks to Bob, Mike and Dom. As a kid, my mom was always working, my family was always busy, or whatever thing came up, so most times, I had to go out there alone. I didn’t expect my family to travel to Butler, PA in the middle of winter to watch my film, so it was expected, but it was great having people there in support of my endeavor.
This work has given me my greatest personal growth. It allows me to express myself. It’s been consumed with genuinely positive feedback. My ideas work, it’s proven. One thing that I’ve been saying is, “I’m not an influencer, but I’m influential”. People use me as a reference, I’m a guide, a roadmap, and I enjoy that. People see me do something and they say, “If Qwan can do it, I can do it.” To me, that’s inspiration, whether it be positive or negative. And if you hate it, I love it.
We created something really beautiful. That film has a lot of understanding and emotion. It’s a really intimate story of a family that made a lot of sacrifices for each other. I’m proud of how it all came together and what it’s created so far. Brian said it was his therapy. I think he understands his daughter a lot better, he understands how his wife felt, he understands what his absence has done, and he’s trying to make amends for it. There’s a lot of humility in that. It’s a great feeling to know that I helped facilitate that growth.
So now, we wait for what’s next. Thank you to the town of Butler for your hospitality. Thank you to my friends, and most importantly, thank you to my bartender, for serving up drinks that helped my get through the most stressful day of my life (so far).