When Morpheus says:
It comes in the moment when Neo (Keanu Reeves) makes a choice to stay behind and fight Agent Smith (Hugo Weaving). It’s a moment of realization. This is the closest to religious I feel I’ve ever been. Or I’m connected to the universe, or I’m operating at the right frequency, or I’m just supposed to do what I’m supposed to do. I’m beginning to believe.
“Accept what is, not what is not”. I’m at a moment of realization and the realization is: I’m closer to my goals today, than I was yesterday. I am stuck in what I like to call the “Cycle of Qwan”. The Cycle of Qwan states “Thou shalt learn this lesson repeatedly until thou gets it right”. I keep coming across bridges I’ve crossed before, and I’m handling them with the faith and knowledge to understand that, “Everything is going to be alright” because, that’s the only thing it can be.
I keep saying to myself, “If I get out of this jam, I might be The One”. I might have to keep doing everything I’m doing because my plan is working. I’ve been trying to plan my next move, and I was just waiting for the opportunity to come. In the Cycle of Qwan, something happens around June (I started my company the 23rd, moved to California in June, started Last Word Cheetah in June). I kept telling people that I’d be back on top in June. My karaoke song is “That’s Life” by Frank Sinatra and I know this is going to be a change of tune for me, because now I have to follow up on everything I said I would. I’m just going to put myself in a position for an opportunity. It’s the most stress-free intention I can give myself.
1 Year Later
I’m still in this same spot. I wrote this sometime last year and I went through the Cycle of Qwan™. In June, I got a gig, it was great, I was cooking, and it ended in December. Now I’m back to square one. If I get out of this jam, I am The One. I am betting on myself now, because I have no choice; to Monday Morning Quarterback it, I should’ve done a little more for myself over the years, instead of depending on other people. Betting on myself has been a huge mess, but I have found a creative way out.
If you heard the conversations I heard last year, you too would keep going. This dude from The Sopranos told me he could get the film to qualify for an Oscar. Juxtapose that with my mom sending me a Facebook message last week telling me to quit. I haven’t even exhausted all options yet. I haven’t sold my camera, I haven’t sold my car, I ain’t even sold my Playstation yet. I still got a little bit left in the tank, so quitting isn’t even close to an option. I made a movie that was good, which means I made a good movie. I can make another movie that’s good AND I have a proven business model. I’m locked the fuck in dog.
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