Being Good is a Detriment to Your Health
I told myself a lie one day. “You’re not good enough”. You have to work to stay on top of your game, to try to the be the best and if you take a day off, you fall behind, because It’s always somebody out there better than you are. This is the athlete mentality, and it has plagued me my entire life and I’m quitting this shit.
I am an addict. It’s not severe (yet), but I’ve spent the last ten years self-medicating, exploring, and just pushing everything to my limits. My desire and will to live is at it’s lowest, because I know the truth: Life is meaningless. I didn’t type this to scare anybody and please don’t concern yourself with this as a threat. I’m pointing out the fact that none of this matters, so my need to feel insecure about my desires and fear of failure can all be put aside so I can do one thing, be fucking good.
My most severe addiction of all, is my addiction to being fucking good. I cannot be ass at what I do. I obsess over it. I am good at what I do, but I’m also bad at what I do. I was unorganized, lethargic, and I’m broke as fuck. I take on projects that aren’t worth my time and I say yes to everything. Being good is about understanding the fault in all of that.
I’m willing to fall flat on my face, out of the sake of boredom, or some desire to be loved, or whatever this addiction is feeding off. I told myself, “Give it 6 months and if you fail, go home and recalculate”. That was two years ago. I don’t know how I keep making it, but shit keeps happening to me through random probabilities this universe has created. That’s called luck, which is cool and all, but Profile also taught me that I need some foundation.
I’m coming to terms with a lot of things, and one thing is that I definitively know what I want, and will stop at nothing to get it. Which gives me meaning. I never really wanted to start a family, I think it’s one of those things we’re told we are supposed to do, but it feels like something that can give me meaning. I want to build a foundation, a career and a stable family, but I’m stubborn, and I’m only going to do it my way.
I’m Fucking Good at Everything
So, I’m going for the shit. I’m going to try and apply. I’m going to attempt, I’m going to make a leap and do everything I’ve been telling you I was going to do for the last ten years. To generate enough revenue to make a film, I need 40,250,000 views on my channel to be able to make a big budget film. The goal is to self-fund. I have multiple films planned, and I’ve created several short form documentaries with little-to-no budget, and I realize, that’s the only way to accomplish my goal; make movies. Up first: The Beast: The Final Fight
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